Open letter to our imminent furball

 

Dear Furball,

 

In only three more sleeps you will be meeting us for the first time.
That would be three more nights that you will cuddle up to your mummy...or at least within sniffing distance of her.
Three more nights that you will nod off to doggie dreamland having done nothing but "frolic and frootle" (in the inimitable words of Lynley Dodd and Hairy Maclary).

 

In light of this, I felt it appropriate to apologise in advance for some shortcomings that your new life at Casa KATcapers may present.

 

You see, we are canine-novices of the first order.  Saint Mike and I have spent a good part of the last five years trying to avoid this very reality.  Like many other parents, we adopted the approach of 'delay' for as long as possible (truth be known SM could have persisted in this strategy but I'm a big wimp and gave in).

 

So, as not to make this an inordinately long letter...here's a short list of things I'm predicting you may find contribute to your general state of doggy anxiety and neurosis:

 

• Feeling as though someones turned the volume up and it doesn't have an off button!!!! 

Yes, you are entering a home dominated by screaming girls.  Initially the screaming will be in delight at your awesome cuteness but after the initial excitement wears off it will just be generally LOUD! 

 

• Why are these children confusing me with a build-a-bear?

Though I am discouraging it, there seems to be a 'theme' running through the discussions between the KATs which suggests that you may find yourself in a rather fetching 'bridal' outfit complete with veil, slippers and white frock!!!  I will attempt to dissuade this and if necessary confiscate such items but I can't promise there won't be at least a few incidents...remember these are resourceful girls known to wrap up barbie sarong-like with a face-washer secured around her mid-section with a hair elastic!!

 

• Why is there a big picture of a lady with WARNING in large red letters outside the front door??

This is a woman whose instructive advice on learning that we were soon to be blessed with your presence was one word - Drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, she helpfully suggested giving you something to 'help you sleep'.  In the interests of your safety, the KATs felt it necessary to keep her at a safe distance.............beware the drug-peddling Nana!!!!

 

• Finally, what lunatic decided to call me Salvador and can I get my micro-chip altered?

Okay, I think I should wear this one....................
In a moment of mindlessness (scarily coinciding with being behind the wheel of the car) I suggested that it would be fun to name you after Salvador Dali as one of the KATs best friends has a cavoodle named Pablo...................
To be fair, I did say that we could call you 'Sally' for short which I think is quite sweet.  At least now you know who's foot to crap on :)

 

I do promise that SM and I will do our utmost to protect you from the extremes of affection that our KATs can be capable of.  We are reminding them daily that squeezing the life out of you is not a form of affection and that oldest KAT has a dismal track record having almost smothered a guinea pig at the zoo as a toddler!!!!

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Your loving owner